New App Says Looks Are Dumb. Are They Right?
You’ve probably heard the stories. Your girlfriend opens an app, creates a profile, and releases it to the community of that apps users. Within minutes, her account is buzzing with activity—notifications begin chiming. Smiling, she’s excited about her sudden wealth of dating prospects she sees something and it quickly erases the smile from her face. You friend has just been blasted with a series of messages that read: “Yo babe. You wanna come over?” And, “Girl, milk does a body good but did you have to drink the whole damn bottle??” Along with these crassly-written asinine messages, this friend is likely to receive unsolicited dick pics. Gross.
If you’re a man, your online dating narrative isn’t quite as bad—vagina pics are not a thing; women telling you that you’re a horrible human being just doesn’t happen. You’re sitting on the sidelines, sending witty well-thought messages to women whom you find interesting. You hit send. And then you wait. You might as well be invisible because that super smart message you sent is about to get you a whole lotta nuthin’ in return.
This is the world of online dating. It’s a pretty awful game we all play.
Dating sites and apps from Match to Tinder and Bumble all do a thing well. Show you people’s faces. Great, you see attractive people. It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist matchmaker to tell you that looks aren’t everything. They’re not.
Looks are not the only way we connect.
When we meet someone who’s cute, we are drawn to their features like their nose, their shoulders, or their eyes. After a time other things become more important. What do they want in life? What are their goals and ambitions? What are they most passionate about? What would they do in life if money were no object? These details become the glue that binds people together.
With this knowledge in mind, why do we race to the bottom to find the best-looking person who acknowledges our existence and also is not crazy? We know better, but we’ve been conditioned to go after people based off of what they look like and less about the substance of their character. That’s sad.
We deserve better, and we should do better, people.
“Intelligence is the next thing in dating, and the new Hart dating app is therefore likely the next big thing.”
The Hart wants what the heart wants. Meet Hart app!
Hart app is the new dating app on the block if you will. They’re doing things quite a bit differently over there. Simply put, they’re putting the power back into users’ hands (or their phones, if you prefer) by allowing users to match on the things that matter most to them.
The one thing that keeps people together isn’t the looks. It’s their spirit, it’s their warmth, it’s their kindness, their ability to endure, their ability to show empathy. We connect with one another in many, many ways and traditional dating sites and newer apps boil down connections to the easy thing—the shallow thing: Looks.
The team at Hart app know that relationships, real relationships, take real effort, and they are built on common, sometimes uncommon, threads. Hart app doesn’t do headshots. It does connections, allowing people to share artwork, sketches, and other creatively-hewn together bits of themselves to share with one another.
There’s a woman I went on a date with not long ago, and we didn’t sit there admiring each other’s looks. We admired the Pharcyde’s 1995 release: Labcabincalifornia. We shared what we loved about music, social justice, and how to be a good human being in the world. We connected. Deeply. It’s this sort of deep interaction that Hart app is reinvigorating a little thing I like to call the conversation. It’s a quickly fading art and one being swept away by the Tinders and the Hinges of the world.
How many talented people do you know who are dating someone who appears to be out of their league?
Why do you think that is? It’s because of a thing called personality—you may know it as simply human beings connecting on a deeper level. Looks fade. We are aware this! People who can look beyond the pretty eyes and beautiful hair are happier than those who cling to looks alone. In fact, relationships tend to be a lot more joyful when people can go out and enjoy creative things together.
One researcher told the New York Times: “Couples who shared many of the same traits — such as “ambitious” or “artistic” — were predicted to have increased levels of happiness in long-term relationships.” Go figure.
Breaking down the walls of looking before you leap
The thing I like about what the Hart app team is doing is that they’re fighting against the way tech companies are sucking our souls and dollars away from us. They are highlighting not looks but intelligence, creativity, and deep connections.
Intelligence is the next thing in dating, and the new Hart dating app is therefore likely the next big thing.
Photo Cred: Mike Giles